Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Love Notes 6 : Doubting Her Love

Dear Joe,

My girlfriend and I are different in many ways. She is the possessive type, while I am more open-minded. We’ve gone through a lot of good and bad times, having been together for more than four years. I’m very happy because we were able to maintain our relationship despite the long hours I spend at work.

I’ve been meaning to teach her how to live a single life, because I didn’t want her to think that I’m selfish. I wanted her to experience going out with friends on weekends and enjoying fun things, but I never thought this would present drawbacks in our relationship.

Joe, you can just imagine how hurt I was when my girlfriend told me that she was falling for one of her friends, a colleague from work. And to think this guy has a girlfriend abroad. She told me that her friend has always been there for her during those times when I was not around. She seemed to say that the guy did what should have been my responsibility in the first place.

I know I am to blame for all that have happened, but I took it all as a lesson to help me see things in a better perspective. I just didn’t want her to feel like I was locking her up in a cage. I wanted the best for her, but I didn’t realize that during the times that she was out with her friends, she was actually craving for my company.

Joe, I was heartbroken. She also kept insisting that I was dating and seeing other girls, which isn’t true at all because I have never done anything that would betray her trust and ruin our relationship.

One night, we decided to talk to explain both our sides on the matter. She was crying and I wanted to cry, too, but I’m all cried out. I gave her back the ring that she gave me on our first anniversary.

The next day, however, we talked again. It seems that no matter how I try, I can never bring myself to forget her. I love her so much, Joe. She gave me back the ring, and we compromised on a lot of things.

But things feel so different now. My heart is in doubt over our relationship. Ever since we made up, I’ve always been afraid of what might happen to both of us.

Joe, I am confused. How can our relationship continue if I doubt her feelings for me? I’m beginning to wonder what’s wrong in this relationship. I hate what I’m feeling. I can’t bear the thought of losing her.

Yours truly,


Dear Eman,

It seems to me that you’re worrying too much and thinking way too ahead of your time, while letting go of a precious opportunity to deal with your troubles today.

Trust is very important in any relationship. It allows us to enjoy a certain freedom without having to worry about jealousy and insecurity issues. It allows us to love without having to wrap our arms around someone all the time. It allows us to have peace of mind even during times when our relationship is threatened by detractors. Unfortunately, trust that has been broken by infidelity is hard to earn back especially if you keep asking why you were betrayed in spite of your fidelity.

Eman, I completely understand why you feel this way. It is natural to worry about your security in this relationship but you should not let this drag on to the point where you would completely lose trust and confidence in your girlfriend. Right now, you are consumed by the fear of losing her. You are slowly being eaten away by your suspicion and distrust. If you continue to allow these feelings to run your thoughts then you’d be on the road to losing her completely.

You haven’t lost the battle yet but with this kind of attitude, you’d be defeated earlier than you think.

First, you have to learn to forgive her for hurting you. Second, you have to believe in your relationship. Your doubts and insecurities won’t strengthen it. It will instead weaken its foundation and destroy it. If you really love her then you have to learn to trust her again. If you cannot do that, then there’s very little reason for you to stay in this relationship.

Let us always remember that we build lasting relationships on the foundation of love. And true love is unquestioning. It believes in the other person completely. It never keeps a record of wrongs. It forgives unconditionally and trusts with all its heart because it knows that it’s the only way to keep the past where it should be, and find hope in the promise of a better future.

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