Saturday, October 13, 2007

when someone breaks your heart.

What happens when someone breaks your heart?

When someone breaks your heart, first you are shocked. Someone will say you are heartbroken and you examine the words break and heart and heartbroken and you immediately decide that it’s inaccurate. You feel pain in the region of your heart and you think it’s your heart breaking but one’s heart doesn’t really break, something else does – FAITH. You stop believing.

No not in the big things which are most of the time irrelevant. You still believe in God or Buddha or some Supreme Being, you still believe child prostitution is bad. You just stop believing in the small things that you do, the small things that give meaning to your daily life, and you begin to think everything is pointless: Why get up? Why dress up? Why breathe in and out? What for? What for?

When someone breaks your heart (your faith), you stop believing and you switch off the lights inside your heart.

Someone is home but that someone is lying in the dark, in the room farthest from the gate, and that someone can’t hear anything. Friends, parents, they all call out to her from the gate (“Come out” which means “Move on”) but they are unheard, unseen, unacknowledged.

When someone breaks you heart, you turn into a small ball of self-pity. You lie in bed, in a ball. You hug your knees, keeping them close to your chest, like a fetus. Freud said its human instinct to go back to the womb where you feel safe.

But that’s what happens when someone breaks your heart – they steal the very thing that makes you feels safe, whole, intact.


From the book I read countless of times…


By M.D. Balangue

Friday, October 12, 2007

A True Boyfriend

If i dont call you
[ Its because im waiting for you to
call me ]

When i walk away from you mad
[ Follow me ]

When i stare at your mouth
[ Kiss me ]

When i push you or hit you
[ Grab me and dont let go ]

When i start cussing at you
[ Kiss me and tell me you love me ]

When im quiet
[ Ask me whats wrong ]

When i ignore you
[ Give me your attention ]

When i pull away
[ Pull me back ]

When you see me at my worst
[ Tell me im beautiful ]

When you see me start crying
[Just hold me and dont say a word ]

When you see me walking
[ Sneak up and hug my waist from
behind ]

When im scared
[ Protect me ]

When i lay my head on your shoulder
[ Tilt my head up and kiss me ]

When i steal you favorite hat
[ Let me keep it and sleep with it for
a night]

When i tease you
[ Tease me back and make me laugh ]

When i dont answer for a long time
[ reassure me that everything is okay ]

When i look at you with doubt
[ Back yourself up ]

When i say that i like you
[ I really do more than you could
understand ]

When i grab at your hands
[ Hold mine and play with my fingers ]

When i bump into you
[ bump into me back and make me laugh ]

When i tell you a secret
[ keep it safe and untold ]

When i look at you in your eyes
[ dont look away until i do ]

When i miss you
[ im hurting inside ]

When you break my heart
[ the pain never really goes away ]

When i say its over
[ i still want you to be mine ]

When i repost this bulletin
[ i want you to read it ]

- Stay on the phone with her even if
shes not saying anything.

- When she's mad hug her tight and
don't let go then kiss her

- When she says she's ok dont believe
it talk with her

- because 10 yrs later she'll remember
you Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her

- Call her before you sleep and after
you wake up

- Treat her like she's all that matters
to you.

- Tease her and let her tease you back.

- Stay up all night with her when she's
- Watch her favorite movie with her.

- Give her the world.

- Let her wear your clothes.

- When she's bored and sad, hang out
with her.

- Let her know she's important.

- Kiss her in the pouring rain.

- When she runs up at you crying, the
first thing you say is;
"Who's ass am I kicking?"

- Hold her and never want to let go.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

101 Things I Learned About Girls and Relationships

1. Never indulge her with too many gifts. Whether it be chocolate, jewelry, flowers, or etc. Teach her to appreciate.
2. Appreciate her.
3. Never give her too much attention. Don’t make her the center of your life. Prioritize.
4. Find a hobby. Be passionate about something. Girls like passionate guys.
5. Prevent yourself from jumping into conclusions. Listen to both sides of the story.
6. If she jumped into a conclusion, patiently tell her your side of the story.
7. If she tells you she needs space, then give her space. No need to call her innumerable amounts. Give her time.
8. If she hangs up on you, call her back. If she doesn't pick up, try calling her once again. However, if she still doesn't pick up, give her some time. Wait until she calls back or call her back tomorrow.
9. Never, under any circumstances, hang up on her.
10. We all know men are horny. But no need to excessively show it. It's a turn off.
11. Don't be so touchy. Let her know your relationship isn't based on lust.
12. Don't be afraid to sing for her, even if you think you have a horrible voice. She'll love it.
13. Don't be timid around her friends. It's important to leave good impressions on them.
14. Make a CD for her with her favorite songs.
15. Make a CD for her with your favorite songs.
16. Be confident. Girl's like confident guys.
17. Don't be scared to reveal your soft side.
18. But, don't be soft all the time. Show her your tough side once in awhile. Take care of her.
19. Trust her. You don't need to know every place she goes, every guys she talks with, etc. She'll gradually, and slowly, gain your trust.
20. Trust yourself.
21. Don't call her when you're drunk.
22. Don't question her about her past boyfriends, or what bases she has gone up to. Not until you guys trust each other, and in a stable relationship.
23. If she told you, don't bring it up again next time. Don't get jealous.
24. Never talk to her when you're extensively infuriated. You will talk out of your ass and remorse with much regrets later on.
25. When mad, calmly tell her you need time. When toned down, gently justify your reasons for getting mad.
26. Keep a daily diary. Give it to her in your anniversary.
27. Take pictures with her.
28. Take pictures of her.
29. Let her take as many pictures of you as she wants.
29. Keep a picture of you two in your wallet.
30. Cook for her.
31. Cook together.
32. Bake cookies/cupcakes for her.
33. Bake cookies/cupcakes together.
34. Learn to be aggressive, when appropriate.
35. Learn to take chances and risks.
36. Mark her birthday, your anniversaries, her parent's birthday, her sibling’s birthday and other important dates on your calendar.
37. Keep a good relationship with her parents.
38. Don't be afraid to hold her hands in public.
39. Instead of going to the theatre, rent movies at a local store and watch it at your/her house.
40. Watch Disney/kid movies together.
41. Compliment her.
42. However, don't excessively indulge her with compliments.
43. Never lie. Even if you believe it's for the better of both of you, don't. Always be honest.
44. Joke around and be immature. Liberate yourself.
45. Learn to be serious when time calls.
46. Go shopping together. Hold the bags for her, no matter how minimal.
47. Draw a picture of her for her. Even if you're the worst artist in the world.
48. Let her draw you.
49. Subtly, leave a note on her pillow.
50. Engage in sports together.
51. Accept her for who she is, despite her flaws and her past mistakes.
52. Teach her how to drive (no matter how bad she may be. Actually... well..).
53. Go for a jog/run.
54. Go for a walk.
55. No need to pay attention to rumours from her/your friends. Talk to her about it. Not them.
56. Smell good.
57. Don't be afraid to smile. No matter how ugly you think your smile may be.
58. Always be there for her. No matter how nominal her problems may seem.
59. No need to hide your imperfections. Humans are only fallible.
60. Go to the library together.
61. Study together; I mean, actually study.
62. Recommend her your favorite book.
64. Introduce her to your family.
65. Be silly. Learn to embarrass yourself in front of her once in awhile.
66. Hold her hand when you're driving.
67. Give her a massage.
68. Fall asleep on the phone together.
69. Turn on a soft/classical music while she's asleep on the phone.
70. Remember every little, insignificant things she tell you/say.
71. Write her a poem.
72. Recite it to her.
73. Compose a song for her.
74. Sing it for her.
75. Make her a scrapbook.
76. Don't be afraid to go buy a tampon/pad for her.
77. Go grocery shopping together.
78. If you want her to open up, try opening up first.
79. Don't try to hide your tears in front of her.
80. Wish her goodnight every night.
81. Feed her.
82. Let her feed you.
83. Don't have high expectations. You'll only be let down.
84. Pray for her. Aloud.
85. Pray with her.
86. Rid of your pride.
87. Open the door for her.
88. Be patient.
89. Smile at her.
90. Cherish her.
91. Thank her.
92. Drink tea together.
93. Never drive aggressively when you're mad - at least when she's in the car.
94. Pick out a seashell for her at the beach.
95. Win her a doll at a boardwalk.
96. Take sticker pictures together.
97. Go trick-or-treating together.
98. Let her do your nails.
99. Let her wear your clothes.
100. Watch her favorite movie together.
Last, but not the least, and most importantly,
101. Always be yourself.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

to those girls

Here's to all those girls who used to be his number one.

The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning and be disappointed.

The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, and moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in months later like nothing ever happened.

Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going.

The ones who listened to him say, I only want to be your friend, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves and misses you.

We deserve something, and this is our tribute.

Here's to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change.

We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, and even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, and ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us.

Here's to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days.

Here's for the tears cried and dried all over again.

We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn't possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to SETTLE for someone who didn't treat us the way we should be treated.

Here's for the ones who did their hair and make up and put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn't see us today.

The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn't believe that he could do this to us again.

This is for those great girls, who loved him more than words can say, and took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn't bear to look back on their lives one day and wonder "what if".

This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, and cried during the entire conversation.

The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn't mean it.

This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with.

This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, and get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that "things were going too fast, he needs time."

Here's to the girls who couldn't cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt.

The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again.

This is for the ones who couldn't bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an "I told you so."

The ones that could just TELL that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts, and their dreams again.

We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that.

Here's for the ones that FINALLY realized that he never gave a crap about them.

Here's for the time that he broke your heart again.

This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, and the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment.

Here's for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better.

This is for those confusing days, when you miss him, and want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist.

Stay strong, and remember that relationships are like broken glass, sometimes it's better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together and get hurt.

Remember the times you cried, and how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that.

When "your song" comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made and tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don't answer the door.

Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation and the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the crap he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night, and how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn't him, and realized that once again, he hadn't called when he said he was going to.

One day, you'll find a guy who's worth all the tears, but he won't make you cry. You may think that you'll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It's gonna hurt like crap! And it's going to need time to heal, but the point is, it will heal.

This is for those girls, who fell back in love with their ex, only to get hurt all over again.


Just remember that in time, it will heal...Just dance with the music, whether it goes too slow or too fast... -NINA