Sunday, January 07, 2007

Love Notes 2: Giving someone up to make things right

Dear Joe,

Jeff has been my boyfriend for two years now. He’s thoughtful, understanding and sweet. But what reeled me in was his wit and intelligence. We were almost a picture-perfect couple.

Much to my surprise, our relationship became an on-again, off-again affair when I started working for this prestigious firm in Quezon City. I admit that since I started working, I was spending less and less time with him. He kept telling me I had to choose between him and my job. Whenever I spent time with my friends, he would always tell me that I loved my friends more than him, something I always denied.

I wondered if he was just being demanding or selfish. I just wanted some understanding on his part.

I attempted to dump him thrice, but he always came back. I took him back because I believed that he would change. But months later, things were still the same. He got even worse. And yet despite all that, I still wanted to be with him.

To top it off, an old friend of mine, Rey, resurfaced in my life. We were classmates in high school, and I had an intense crush on him. I found out later that he was in love with me but never showed it, and so we never went beyond friendship. We separated after our graduation, and on my 18th birthday I learned that he already had a girlfriend.

Four years passed since we last saw each other. We became good friends again through text messaging. I was with him when he and his girlfriend broke up. We agreed to see each other, and he cameto Manila to be with me.

Jeff had no knowledge of this. I knew it was wrong, but I was so excited to see Rey. I hate to admit it, but I still love him.

I forgot I had a boyfriend. Rey knows about Jeff. Still, we were trying to make things right, and I hated to see him leave. Before we said goodbye, he told me he loved me and kissed my hand. I was so happy and scared that I started crying. I knew that everything was not right, but I’m torn between two people I love. I can’t let go of either Jeff or Rey.


Dear Rhine,

I know how difficult it is to find ourselves in a situation where we seem to be caught between two people we believe we both love. Can it really happen? Well, I guess the answer is yes. This is why many relationships fail. Sometimes it is not falling out of love, but falling in love with someone else that makes it difficult.

Rhine, this could have been easier if there was nothing wrong in being in two relationships at the same time. But the fact of the matter is, even if we are in love with two people, we have to be committed to just one. And commitment means giving up the other for the sake of the one we choose.

The essence of a relationship lies in the fact that we choose to be with someone we love and that we will love only the one we choose. I would believe you when you say that you are in love with two people, but I would also want you to believe that you cannot love them both with the same intensity and passion. If you listen carefully to your heart, you will realize that there is just one who deserves your love and commitment. And that person is the one you should be with.

I know it is easier said than done, but you just can’t say you love someone if you cannot let go of the other. The hardest part of loving is when we have to make a choice that would hurt those who love us. But sometimes that choice has to be made because that is the only sensible thing to do. You cannot love Rey and Jeff at the same time. You have to make your choice and live by it.

Let us always remember that we can love as many people as we want to but we have to commit ourselves to just one. Just one, to whom we will faithfully dedicate our whole life and with whom we will build our dreams. Just one, whom we will love like we have loved no other.

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