Last night I drifted back to the past -- the part where everything was all good between us; when we both fought against all the negativity && doubts. Last night was about pure nostalgia. It reminded me how harsh change really is. It wasn`t an intentional thing -- to be walking down memory lane. I don`t know what triggered it. It must be all the sadness.
Do you think it`s that easy, that it`ll all just disappear?.. I am sorry. Because you`ve become so vague && evasive. Because you probably think I`m just like a stranger, too. I`m writing this not to put blame on you, but because it`s the only way I can explain myself. At least, here, there are no interruptions, no yelling, no crying.
I wish we`d agree on something. I wish you could see how bad it makes me feel, when people assume that I`m the inconsiderate one. That I`m the one who doesn`t seem to care, that I`m the one who`s always waiting to be approached. I may not be that expressive, && I may not talk freely about what`s going on between us. But that doesn`t mean that I don`t care. Or that I`m too casual about it. What ever happened to knowing me inside & out?
I guess what bugged me was the fact that you were nonchalant about it. That you were probably thinking I was just acting up or blowing things out of proportion. I wonder what it would take for a guy to really && truly understand what`s going through a girl`s mind, or how her heart is?
Most of the time, my silence gives off the wrong signals. It makes you think I`m cold && insensitive. Do you know, that inside, it`s the exact opposite? Silence doesn`t always mean anger -- try to realize that it means there`s something I can`t say, or that there`s something that`s hurting me.
I want to be there for you through everything, but things seem to keep blocking me from doing that. I want you to fully understand how hard this is, without thinking I`m over-analyzing. I`m not.
& He also knows that,
I`d still do anything for you.....