Wednesday, January 31, 2007

on loving the wrong person

Let our scars fall in love.

-- Galway Kinnell

We're all seeking that special person who is right for us. But if you've been through enough relationships, you begin to suspect there's no right person, just different flavors of wrong. Why is this? Because you yourself are wrong in some way, and you seek out partners who are wrong in some complementary way. But it takes a lot of living to grow fully into your own wrongness. And it isn't until you finally run up against your deepest demons, your unsolvable problems -- the ones that make you truly who you are -- that we're ready to find a lifelong mate. Only then do you finally know what you're looking for. You're looking for the wrong person. But not just any wrong person: the right wrong person--someone you lovingly gaze upon and think, "This is the problem I want to have."

I will find that special person who is wrong for me in just the right way.

Taken from Daily Afflictions

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

26 Things That A Perfect Guy Would Do

1. Know how to make you smile when you are down.

2. Try to secretly smell your hair, but you always notice.

3. Stick up for you, but still respects your independence.

4. Give you the remote control during the game.

5. Come up behind you and put his arms around you.

6. Play with your hair.

7. His hands always find yours.

8. Be cute when he really wants something.

9. Offer you plenty of massages.

10. Dance with you, even if he feels like a dork.

11. Never run out of love.

12. Be funny, but know how to be serious.

13. Realize he's being funny when he needs to be serious.

14. Be patient when you take forever to get ready.

15. React so cutely when you hit him and it actually hurts.

16. Smile a lot.

17. Plans a romantic date full of cheesy things he wouldn't normally like to do, just because he knows it means a lot to you

18. Appreciate you.

19. Help others out.

20. Drive 5 hours just to see you for 1.

21. Always gives you a peck on the cheek when you depart from each others company, even when his friends are watching.

22. Sing, even if he can't.

23. Have a creative sense of humor.

24. Stare at you.

25. Call for no reason.

26. Quit smoking, chewing, drinking, or drugs - just because he loves you that much to quit it.

Monday, January 29, 2007

Falling Out of Love

Sometimes we fall in love and it feels so great--

So great that we never want to fall out of it...
But sometimes, though we hate to admit,
We have to fall out of it..
And falling out of love is such a great decision to make...
Actually, it's one decision that can haunt us forever..

Falling out of love doesn't just mean that we
don't love the person anymore..
It means more than that..
It means not wanting the person whom you have
thought to be a part of you--
To be a part of your today and tomorrow.
It might also mean that you don't want to care for the person anymore
Or rather, that you have grown tired
Of waiting for that person to come back to you...

And that it's that waiting that made you fall out of love..
It might also mean that you can't have what you want,
And that you are no longer wanted by the other person..
Now that would hurt a lot, but if that is the case,
Then maybe, falling out of love is the right choice.

But how can a love as sweet as mine be so wrong?
How and why would I want to fall out of love from someone I truly care for?
Why would I want to start my life all over again
When I can just pick up the pieces and go from there?
But most of all, why would I want to teach my heart not to love someone
Whom I have known in my heart, as the one person that I will love forever.

These questions and so much more can be answered by a single word..
And that word is "LOVE"..
Though we don't want to admit it to ourselves, love has two sides..
Falling in love and falling out of love..
It has two faces and we tend to forget the one that hurts..
And maybe, this is what I, myself have forgotten.
Maybe I have forgotten, that when I let myself fall in love,
I also let myself vulnerable to feel the pain of falling out.
This is this risk that I have to accept
If I want to experience "LOVE"
And it is this "LOVE" that has led me to where I am today.

Maybe it is not all love that will keep us in a relationship..
Maybe there's more to it than love..
Maybe relationships need more ingredients other than love..
Maybe if patience, loyalty, trust, respect,
honesty, and communication are added
Then maybe, the relationship will be better.

But what happens when we all know these and more
Yet we still do fall out of love..
What is next?
Do we fall out of love like a lightning?
Do we fall out of love as if we got burned?
No--we don't...
For falling out of love takes so much of who we are..
It takes away our strength and our heart.

Falling out of love is like trying to stop
something that we are fond of doing,
Or trying to stop what we like so much...
It can also mess up with our minds...
'Coz when we fall out of love, we try to be so
analytical if why it has to end.
So now I ask, if falling out of love is so hard to do,
Then why do we still have to fall in love in the first place?

Sunday, January 28, 2007

i want him.

I want a boy. A nice and bad boy.

A boy who has shaggy hair and lets me play with it.
He'll tell me we're like Corey and Topanga.
He'll give me his favorite sweatshirt.

He’ll stay home with me and watch Disney Movies.

And he'll tell me he loves it even though he doesn’t,

and the only person he would ever watch it with would be me.

He'll call me at 3am and ask me what I'm doing.

He'll tell me he couldn't fall asleep because he was thinking about me, and he needed to hear my voice.

He’ll text me every morning before school saying “Have a great day baby I love you!”.

And he always whispers something sweet in my ear.
He'll take me to a concert to see my favorite performer even if he doesn't like them.

And he wont get embarrassed to tell me he loves me in front of his friends.

When I cry he'll tell me I'm too beautiful to and he'll kiss every tear.

He'll always make me feel better because he knows the perfect things to say to me.

All of his friends will know we're in love because he'll talk about me to them.

He'll stay up with me all night when im sick.

When we're walking together he'll stop and pick up a flower and put it behind my ear.

He'll love everything about me and tell me that I'm perfect.

We always end up laughing about silly fights.

We wont get mad for making fun of each other because we crack up at every bit of it.

Even if we're a million years old, butterflies will still go crazy inside of me ... Every time he kisses me.

He'll tell me he'd die without me.

He'll surprise me by bringing me over my favorite food when I'm having a bad day.

He would think I was beautiful if I dressed so crappy it was classy.

When we go out for ice cream, he'll put some on my nose …
then I'll put some all over his face.

And we just never stop laughing.

he wouldnt be scared to cry in front of me--
--and would hold me when i cry ..

he'll introduce me to his friends as the coolest girl he’s ever met.

He'll buy me jewelry and bouncy balls from vending machines.

We would have contests of how far we could spit our gum, or how far we could jump off a swing.

He'll take walks with me in the snow, and we'll catch

snowflakes on our tongues

Even though he doesn't like snow, but I love it.

He would grab my waist and kiss my neck.

And we'd always take pictures in photo booths.

He’ll let me go places with his mom.

We would play tag and not care whos watching.
We’d kiss in the rain.

And when I hear him speak, I'll fall in love all over again.

I want a boy who can argue over stupid things with me,

and than go totally soft when I got sad and apologize.

I want someone who would lay with me outside under the stars.
Someone who will squirt me with water guns in the house

When we kissed our hips would be pressed together.

I want someone to be there no matter what ... always and forever *

Perfect.

I'll be his everything.

And he'll be even more to me .
He will love me for always.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Surviving a Long Distance Relationship

by Alina Ruigrok

Challenging and difficult, though they may not be what we want to hear, are the words that best describe long distance relationships. Keep in mind however, that the words are challenging and difficult, not impossible. Many people choose to give a long distance relationship a try, with the constant curiosity if it was the right decision to make and if it even stands a chance. The truth is, a long distance relationship has just as much a chance of succeeding as any other relationship!

Long Distance Relationships share the same facts as an average relationship. It involves two people who share an interest in each other's lives, care for one another and of course have a love for each other that they hope will only continue to grow. On the other hand, a long distance relationship does have its differences as well. It takes away your ability to see each other on a frequent note, as well as the choice of being intimate whenever you desire, not to mention that there would be major trust required. Being unable to spend time together in a physical presence makes it harder to hang on to, but does not spell out doom for your relationship.

The first step is to make an agreement of what your expectations are in the relationship and how much of a commitment you are willing to give and receive. If the two of you decide to be monogamous, then it is clear that neither of you will be dating anyone else as long as your romantic relationship exists. Being clear about what you both want is extremely important, especially in a long distance relationship, in order to prevent future misunderstandings and mistakes. Do not feel afraid to tell your partner what you really need and want from him or her, you deserve the chance to speak from your heart and he or she deserves to know the truth and judge whether they can give it to you.

Trust is a major necessity if you wish to have your relationship from a distance. Without trust and honesty, the relationship is in for danger and unsuccessfulness, just as it would be any other relationship. By accepting the challenge of a long distance relationship, you also accepted the fact that you will have to have the trust and faith that your partner will not be seeing anyone else as promised. Being paranoid and accusing will only grow doubts, insecurity and tension between you and none of those three will help the relationship survive successfully.

Keeping each other informed of the friendships you have with other people and the events that take place in your personal life is a great way to keep your relationship alive and healthy; and continues to make your partner a part of your life. It is essential that you receive the same information from your partner as well, so you both feel the same security and satisfaction that you both crave. Be creative with the way you keep in touch, such as calling, e-mailing, faxing and sending cards. Pay attention to how many times a week you are staying in touch as well. If you want your bond to stay strong and loving, you have to hear from one another often, leaving as little room for any of you to start getting paranoid about anything. Although you cannot be romantic towards each other on a physical note, you can still perform romantic acts that will keep the romance department happy. You can do this by sending love letters and poems, having flowers and gifts delivered, or even sending a video of yourself with a loving message. Reminding your partner of how much you think about and love him or her will score high points, making them miss you more with the constant urge to see you.

Planning reunions play a big part in keeping your relationship exciting, plus serve you the satisfaction of being able to see and touch each other occasionally. It gives you the opportunity to catch up on each other's life in person and to be able to share physical and intimate activities together, which will fulfill both of your needs and desires. Not re-uniting every once in a while will only damage the relationship you have, so if one of you are not willing to visit the other occasionally, then you may need to question the interest and care your partner has for you and should probably end the relationship and move on. If you and your partner truly want this to work out, then you will both continue to be eager to see each other as often as you can and every time to have the chance to.

Setting a limit of how long you will be apart is a wise thing to do if you do not want to end up waiting forever. There will be a day when you and your partner will have to start planning a serious future, which can only happen when you are living in the same area or perhaps even living together, whichever makes you most comfortable. If none of you are willing to agree on a place to settle and start having a relationship where you see each other on a regular basis, then you can pretty much forget about accomplishing anything out of your long distance relationship. If your partner truly loves you and wants to be with you, then they would not want to wait forever to be with you.

With the right amount of effort and interest on both parts, a long distance relationship can survive the obstacles it will frequently be challenged with. As long as you both refresh your memories of why you chose to do this in the first place, trust each other, inform one another of your personal lives, keep in touch, and visit, your relationship can turn out to be one of the most successful and happy relationships that ever existed. You both will be secure, happy and satisfied until the day comes when you will re-unite for good and build your wonderful future together.

Friday, January 26, 2007

someone who...

Girls
find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot ...
... who calls you back when you hang up on him ...
... who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

wait for the boy who kisses your forehead ...
... who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats ...
... who holds your hand in front of his friends ...
... who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on.

wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.

wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "... that's her."

Guys --

find a girl who calls you babe or baby face instead of hot or sexy...
... who can't stand it when you hang up on her ...
... who would sit there for hours looking into your eyes ...

wait for the one who doesn't care what you look like, but what's inside counts the most...


... who looks at you with the twinkle in her eyes and kisses you on the cheek instead of the lips ...
... who wants to be with you in public...
... who makes you smile just by knowing she loves you back.

wait for the girl who is a constant reminder of your happiness and joy.

wait for the girl who you give piggy back rides in public and she still is in view of her friends, while she gets off and you hear her go: "you're the one for me, for always."

Thursday, January 25, 2007

kiss <3

People with crooked teeth usually KiSS BETTER than people with straight teeth.


When you chew gum before you kiss, it actually makes your breath SMELL WORSE than before
because of your salivary glands ..


Mints work MUCH better. <3 <3 <3


*GUYS;: It is much more ROMANTiC to kiss us in a fancy restaurant or UNDER THE STARS than to kiss in your bedroom or in the movie theaters


*GiRLS;: Just because a guy kisses you every 10 minutes doesn't mean he`s using you..he's just a little ;) && there`s no problem with that !!!


-- It has been PR0VEN that when people with the SAME HAiR C0L0R kiss, it is more R0MANTiC than that of a different hair color !!!


[( WE D0NT KNOW WHY )]


-- your FiRST KiSS isnt always your BEST KiSS


-- If you can tie a KN0T in a CHERRY with your tounge, it doesn't mean you are a good kisser .. it just means your TOUNGE MUSCLE is strong


-- ALL GiRLS are NOT hoes, and ALL GUYS are NOT PLAYERS .. EVERYONE gets a LiTTLE H0RNY sometimes ;)

BE A GREAT KiSSER W/ THESE TiPS


-- T0UCH THEIR FACE


-- RUN Y0UR FiNGERS THR0UGH THEIR HAiR


-- KiSS S0FTLY AT FiRST, THEN APPLY M0RE PRESSURE


-- H0LD THEM...it shows you want them near you. <3

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

kiss..anyone?

Angel Kiss

This is a sweet, comforting kiss. Gently and ever so lightly kiss your partner either on the eye lid or right next to the eyes.

Cheek Kiss

A friendly, "I really like you" kiss. Often the preferred kissing method of a first date. With your hands on your partner's shoulders, gently brush your lips across her cheek.

Butterfly Kiss

With your faces less than a breath away, open and close your eyelids against your partners. If done correctly, the fluttering sensation will match the one in your heart.

Freeze Kiss

Experiment with this fun kiss. Put a small piece of ice in your mouth, then open mouth and kiss your partner, passing them the ice with your tongue. It's an erotic and sensual french kiss with a twist of cold.

Eskimo Kiss

With your faces less than a breath apart, gently rub your noses together.

Earlobe Kiss

Gently sip and suck the earlobe. Avoid louder sucking noises as ears are sensitized noise detectors.

French Kiss

The kiss involving the tongue. Some call this the "Soul Kiss" because the life and soul are thought to pass through the mouth's breath in the exchange across tongues.

Forehead Kiss

The "motherly" kiss or "just friends" kiss. The forehead kiss can be a comforting kiss to anyone. Simply brush your lips lightly across the crown of their head.

Foot Kiss

An erotic and romantic gesture. It may tickle, but relax and enjoy it! To give a toe kiss by gently suck the toes and then lightly kissing the foot. It helps to gently massage the base of the foot while performing the kiss.

Hickey Kiss

The object is not to draw blood, but to gently leave a mark that will prove your interlude was not a dream. This is often included in erotic foreplay.

Hand Kiss

Gently raise her hand to your lips. Lightly brush your lips across the top of her hand. Historically this kiss was performed with a bow, which showed deference to a lady.

Hot/Cold Kiss

Get a cold drink and put some in your mouth. Have your partner gets a hot drink and puts some in their mouth. You then French kiss leaving a sensational feeling.

Letter Kiss

Send your lover a kiss in a love letter by writing the letter x several times in a row at the bottom of a letter such as XXXXX.

Mistletoe Kiss

Surprise your lover by capturing them with a gentle holiday kiss under the mistletoe. This is also a good method for shyer individuals to steal a kiss from a potential lover.

Neck Kiss

Come up behind the person you want to kiss. Lightly lick the back of their neck, then kiss the back of their neck a few times.

Neck Nibble Kiss

Gently nibble up and down your partners neck. End with a gentle kiss on the lips.

Nip Kiss

This kiss can create a very erotic sensation. While kissing your partner, ever so gently nibble on their lips. You must be very careful not to bite to hard or hurt your partner. When done correctly, this kiss ignites wonderful sensations.

Shoulder Kiss

Simply come from behind, embrace her, and kiss the top of her shoulder. This is a sensual, loving kiss.

Sip Kiss

Take a small sip of your favorite drink. Leaving a little bit of it on your lips, kiss your partner. It is a unique way to create a sensual feeling and your partner will enjoy it.

Stomach Kiss

Gently kiss and nibble on your partners stomach, and sometimes it leads to other things..

Talking Kiss

Whisper sweet nothings into your partner's mouth. If caught in the act, simply say, "I wasn't kissing her. I was whispering into her mouth."

Tiger Kiss

Quietly sneak up behind your partner making sure they do not know what you are going to do. Out of the blue, grab them and gently bite their neck. Make sure to get a few good growls in too.
This will surely surprise them.

Tongue Kiss

While french kissing your partner, gently suck their tongue while it's in your mouth. This produces a wonderful, erotic feeling for both!

Quickie Kiss

When you're in a rush. Often the nose gets it rather than the lips.


Upside Down Kiss

You stand behind your partner (who is seated or laying down) and have them tilt their head back. Then kiss them so that you nibble their lower lip and they nibble yours. This is fun and feels good because you can feel them breathing on your neck as you kiss.

Underwater Kiss

Find your partner under water. Embrace and kiss. It's a unique and wonderful feeling. By the time you run out of air, you'll be back at the top. Continuing the kiss is optional.

Underwater Deep End Kiss

Dive to the bottom of the deep end of a pool. Find your partner under water and begin kissing. Continue as you rise to the top.

Vacuum Kiss

While kissing open-mouthed, slightly suck in as if you were sucking the air from your partners mouth. This is a playful kiss.

Virtual Kiss

For Internet lovers. Send an e-card or a kiss via email with this symbol: :-* .

The Wave Kiss

While kissing your partner, slowly roll your tongue like a wave, up and down. It can be a little sloppy, but it's a unique feeling and always gets a little laugh when it's done.

Sunday, January 21, 2007

three simple words

There are many things that we can do to perk up and strengthen our interpersonal relationships. Yet the most effective involves the saying of just three words. When spoken or conveyed, these statements have the power to forge new friendships, deepen old ones and restore relationships that have cooled.

The following three-word phrases can enrich every relationship.

I'll be there. If you have ever had to call a friend in the middle of the night, to take a sick child to hospital, or when your car has broken down some miles from home, you will know how good it feels to hear the phrase "I'll be there." Being there for another person is the greatest gift we can give. When we are truly present for other people, important things happen to them and us. We are renewed in love and friendship. We are restored emotionally and spiritually. Being there is at the very core of civility.

I miss you. Perhaps more marriages could be saved and strengthened if couples simply and sincerely said to each other "I miss you." This powerful affirmation tells partners they are wanted, needed, desired and loved. Consider how ecstatic you would feel, if you received an unexpected phone call from your spouse in the middle of your workday, just to say "I miss you."

I respect you. Respect is another way of showing love. Respect conveys the feeling that another person is a true equal. If you talk to your children as if they were adults you will strengthen the bonds and become close friends. This applies to all interpersonal relationships.

Maybe you're right. This phrase is highly effective in diffusing an argument and restoring frayed emotions. The flip side to "maybe your right" is the humility of admitting, "maybe I'm wrong". Let's face it. When you have a heated argument with someone, all you do is cement the other person's point of view. They, or you, will not change their stance and you run the risk of seriously damaging the relationship between you. Saying "maybe you're right" can open the door to further explore the subject, in which you may then have the opportunity to get your view across in a more rational manner.

Please forgive me. Many broken relationships could be restored and healed if people would admit their mistakes and ask for forgiveness. All of us are vulnerable to faults, foibles and failures. A man should never be ashamed to own up that he has been in the wrong, which is saying, in other words, that he is wiser today than he was yesterday.

I thank you. Gratitude is an exquisite form of courtesy. People who enjoy the companionship of good, close friends are those who don't take daily courtesies for granted. They are quick to thank their friends for their many expressions of kindness. On the other hand, people whose circle of friends is severely constricted often do not have the attitude of gratitude.

Count on me. A friend is one who walks in when others walk out. Loyalty is an essential ingredient for true friendship; it is the emotional glue that bonds people. Those that are rich in their relationships tend to be steady and true friends. When troubles come, a good friend is there indicating "you can count on me."

Let me help. The best of friends see a need and try to fill it. When they spot a hurt they d o what they can to heal it. Without being asked, they pitch in and help.

I understand you. People become closer and enjoy each other more if they feel the other person accepts and understands them. Letting your spouse know in so many little ways that you understand them, is one of the most powerful tools for healing your relationship. This applies to any relationship.

Go for it. We are all unique individuals. Don't try to get your friends to conform to your ideals. Support them in pursuing their interests, no matter how weird they seem to you. Everyone has dreams, dreams that are unique to that person only. Support and encourage your friends to follow their dreams. Tell them to "go for it."

I love you. Perhaps the most important three words that you can say. Telling someone that you truly love them satisfies a person's deepest emotional needs. The need to belong, to feel appreciated and to be wanted. Your spouse, your children, your friends and you, all need to hear those three little words. "I love you."

GOD BLESS YOU! (These are 3 words too, right?)


Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates wisdom.
Kindness in giving creates love.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

sad love story

A boy and a girl, the best of friends.

From elementary to high school from beginning to end. Through all those years their friendship grew. They both felt the same, but neither knew. Each waking moment since the day they met. They both loved each other sunrise to sunset.

He was all she had in her terrible life. He was the one who kept her from her knife. She was his angel, she made him smile. Though life threw him curves, she made it all worth while.

Then one day things went terribly wrong. The next few weeks were like a very sad song. He made her jealous on purpose he tried. When the girl asked, "Do you love her?" on purpose he lied. He played with jealousy like it was a game.

Little did he know Things would never be the same. His plan was working but he had no clue. How wrong things would go, the damage he would do.

One night she broke down, feeling very alone. Just her and the blade, no one else home. She dialed his number, he answered, "Hello" She told him she loved him and hung up the phone. He raced to her house just a minute too late. Found her lying in blood, her heart had no rate.

Beside her was a note, in it her confession. Her love for this boy, her only obsession. As he read the note, he knelt down and cried. Grabbed her knife, that night they both died. She was found in his arms, both of them dead. Under her note his handwriting said: "I loved her so, she never knew. All this time I loved her too."

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

cheating hurts =(

Girl is on the couch making out with a h0t guy, her cellphone rings...

Girl:Hey babe, I'll be right back. I need to take this call.

Boy: Yeah okay. Sure.

She walks into the next room.

Girl: Hey! What's up?

Guy [on her cellphone]: Nothing, hey hun, do you think we could go do something later tonight? What are the
chances my boss let me get out early.

Girl: Yeah, sounds great!

Guy [on her cellphone]: Okay. I'm right by your house, I'll come to get you now.

Girl: That's not such a good idea...

Guy [on her cellphone]: Why not?

Girl: I'm busy right now... sorry.

Guy [on her cellphone]: With what? It's our anniversary! You didn't make any other plans did you...?

In her head she yells, SH!T! Throws clothes back on quickly.

Girl: No No... I was just eating... with the family.

Guy [on her cellphone]: But I thought you said your family was away this weekend, up at your resort?

The guy walks into her house, turns the corner into the hallway. Goes downstairs, and finds his bestfriend on
her couch, half un-dressed, trying to pull his pants back on and his girlfriend pulling her shirt over her
head.

Guy: What the hell is going on?!

Girl: I can explain! Please listen to me!

Guy: Benny? How could you do this to me! Rachel! I thought you loved me! And yet, your sleeping with MY BEST FRIEND!!!!

Girl: John...!

John with tears in his eyes, he rushes out of room, and slams the door.

Benny climbs out of the window, starts his car, and drives off down the street.

Girl runs after her boyfriend. Yelling...

Girl: NOOOO! Please!! Come back John!! Pleeeeeasssse????!!

She falls down and cries.

John turns around, looks straight at his girlfriend in tears.

John: Why? Rachel, why? I loved you! Oh my God, I'm in love with a wh0re. Does this mean I have to pay you now?! Here take this as the cash.

He drops a ring box on her lap.

She opens the ring box. Her jaw drops... Before her eyes is a diamond wedding ring.

Girl: You were going to propose?

Guy: Yeah... how dumb was I?

And as he slowly walked back to his car, his headlights faded... And she was in despair.

Later that night, the girl got a phone call from the police saying he just jumped off the bridge and killed
himself.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

Love Notes 6 : Doubting Her Love

Dear Joe,

My girlfriend and I are different in many ways. She is the possessive type, while I am more open-minded. We’ve gone through a lot of good and bad times, having been together for more than four years. I’m very happy because we were able to maintain our relationship despite the long hours I spend at work.

I’ve been meaning to teach her how to live a single life, because I didn’t want her to think that I’m selfish. I wanted her to experience going out with friends on weekends and enjoying fun things, but I never thought this would present drawbacks in our relationship.

Joe, you can just imagine how hurt I was when my girlfriend told me that she was falling for one of her friends, a colleague from work. And to think this guy has a girlfriend abroad. She told me that her friend has always been there for her during those times when I was not around. She seemed to say that the guy did what should have been my responsibility in the first place.

I know I am to blame for all that have happened, but I took it all as a lesson to help me see things in a better perspective. I just didn’t want her to feel like I was locking her up in a cage. I wanted the best for her, but I didn’t realize that during the times that she was out with her friends, she was actually craving for my company.

Joe, I was heartbroken. She also kept insisting that I was dating and seeing other girls, which isn’t true at all because I have never done anything that would betray her trust and ruin our relationship.

One night, we decided to talk to explain both our sides on the matter. She was crying and I wanted to cry, too, but I’m all cried out. I gave her back the ring that she gave me on our first anniversary.

The next day, however, we talked again. It seems that no matter how I try, I can never bring myself to forget her. I love her so much, Joe. She gave me back the ring, and we compromised on a lot of things.

But things feel so different now. My heart is in doubt over our relationship. Ever since we made up, I’ve always been afraid of what might happen to both of us.

Joe, I am confused. How can our relationship continue if I doubt her feelings for me? I’m beginning to wonder what’s wrong in this relationship. I hate what I’m feeling. I can’t bear the thought of losing her.

Yours truly,

Eman


Dear Eman,

It seems to me that you’re worrying too much and thinking way too ahead of your time, while letting go of a precious opportunity to deal with your troubles today.

Trust is very important in any relationship. It allows us to enjoy a certain freedom without having to worry about jealousy and insecurity issues. It allows us to love without having to wrap our arms around someone all the time. It allows us to have peace of mind even during times when our relationship is threatened by detractors. Unfortunately, trust that has been broken by infidelity is hard to earn back especially if you keep asking why you were betrayed in spite of your fidelity.

Eman, I completely understand why you feel this way. It is natural to worry about your security in this relationship but you should not let this drag on to the point where you would completely lose trust and confidence in your girlfriend. Right now, you are consumed by the fear of losing her. You are slowly being eaten away by your suspicion and distrust. If you continue to allow these feelings to run your thoughts then you’d be on the road to losing her completely.

You haven’t lost the battle yet but with this kind of attitude, you’d be defeated earlier than you think.

First, you have to learn to forgive her for hurting you. Second, you have to believe in your relationship. Your doubts and insecurities won’t strengthen it. It will instead weaken its foundation and destroy it. If you really love her then you have to learn to trust her again. If you cannot do that, then there’s very little reason for you to stay in this relationship.

Let us always remember that we build lasting relationships on the foundation of love. And true love is unquestioning. It believes in the other person completely. It never keeps a record of wrongs. It forgives unconditionally and trusts with all its heart because it knows that it’s the only way to keep the past where it should be, and find hope in the promise of a better future.

Monday, January 15, 2007

some signs you are in love

SEVENTEEN:

U LOOK AT THEIR PROFILE/PICTURE CONSTANTLY


SIXTEEN:

WHEN YOUR ON THE PHONE WITH THEM LATE AT NIGHT AND THEY HANG UP, YOU STILL MISS THEM EVEN WHEN IT WAS JUST TWO MINUTES AGO.


FIFTEEN:

YOU READ THEIR TEXTS or IMS OVER AND OVER AGAIN.


FOURTEEN:

YOU WALK REALLY SLOW WHEN YOU'RE WITH THEM


THIRTEEN:

YOU FEEL SHY WHENEVER YOU'RE/THEY'RE AROUND.


ELEVEN:

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM, YOUR HEART BEATS FASTER AND SLOWER AT THE SAME TIME


TEN:

YOU SMILE WHEN YOU HEAR THEIR VOICE.


NINE:

WHEN YOU lOOK AT THEM, YOU CAN'T SEE THE OTHER PEOPLE AROUND YOU, All YOU SEE IS HIM//HER.


EIGHT:

YOU START LISTENING TO SLOW SONGS, WHILE THINKING OF THEM


SEVEN:

THEY'RE ALL YOU THINK ABOUT.


SIX:

YOU GET HIGH JUST FROM THEIR SCENT.


FIVE:

YOU REALlIZE THAT YOU'RE AlWAYS SMILING TO YOURSELF WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT THEM.


FOUR:

YOU WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR THEM, OR ANYTHING TO SEE THEM.


THREE:

WHILE READING THIS, THERE WAS ONE PERSON ON YOUR MIND THE WHOLE TIME...


TWO:

You were so busy thinking about that person, you didnt notice number twelve.


ONE:

You just scrolled up to check & are now silentely laughing at yourself

Saturday, January 13, 2007

Love Notes 4 : The Question of Belonging

Dear Joe,

It’s been 10 years now since I met the guy who turned my world upside down. I was 12 then, and very infatuated with this good-looking and intelligent guy. At that time, I didn’t have any idea that he had the same feelings for me. But one day, something happened that made me mad enough to build a wall separating our worlds in two.

Eight years later, just when I thought I was doing well, fate turned on me again. My old crush and I bumped into each other and eventually became friends again. Time and experience have changed him a lot. It was amazing to see how the guy I used to love and the guy I eventually hated could turn out to be such a desirable young man. Upon seeing him again, I realized that I still care for him and was still in love with him. Hearing his name, seeing him smile and hearing his voice made me feel so kilig (excited) and filled up the emptiness in me.

But something prevents me from showing my true feelings for him, Joe. He’s been going steady




with his girlfriend for three years now. I knew that from the start, but I didn’t seem to care. The times we spent together felt so good, so right. He made me feel so special and made me fall for him even more.

One day, he confessed his true feelings for me. I found out that he has loved me since we were just kids and that he loves me still. We tried to deny our emotions because we didn’t want to betray his girlfriend but we couldn’t fight the feeling. I told him that I would wait for him till he’s free, but he didn’t want me to do that. He wanted me to find the happiness that a committed person like him can’t give. He wanted me to be happy even if it’s not with him. This only made me admire and love him more. He’s different from other guys but it hurts me, Joe, everytime he pushes me away.

We continued this special thing we have. We even had many “stolen moments” when we spent time together as lovers. Those were the happiest days of my life.

But one day, he surprised me with the news that he was getting married in two days. He got his girlfriend pregnant and she obliged him to marry her. It was very painful, Joe. I thought it was only a dream, but it was a nightmare. I was even half dead during their wedding.

Now I’m standing alone with a lost soul, an empty heart and a shattered life. I’m still trying to face a new life without him. I’m still in pain, Joe. I still cry everytime I remember him. Why did he come back after eight long years and make me fall in love again if we’re not really meant for each other? Joe, this is a story without a happy ending. I’m still hung up on the thought that someday, if not here on earth, maybe in God’s paradise, there will be a place for the two of us. Thank you for reading this, Joe. Writing it made me feel a lot better!

Missy

Dear Missy,

It’s sad but true that love doesn’t always have a happy ending. There are times when we ask ourselves why we have to find love only to lose it. Sometimes, God’s reasons for taking someone away from us are difficult to understand, but we have to trust his wisdom in making things happen for a good reason.

Your friend tried to distance himself from you but you were probably just so much in love that you never really saw where you were headed all the while. You were sharing him with his legitimate girlfriend and you know that one day he would have to choose just one. He would have to break someone’s heart, and he broke yours.

Shared moments with someone we love can truly be a wonderful experience, but sometimes it becomes not a question of belonging but a question of the right to belong. Even if it feels so right to be with him, he is still very much committed to his girlfriend and that doesn’t put you anywhere nearer where you are now.

Missy, when we love a person, it brings out the best in us. When that person stops loving us and we still choose to continue to love that person, we become miserable because it is like running a race in the opposite direction. The more we love, the more we are drawn away from reality.

Missy, there is always a reason why people hurt us and make us cry. It is always part of a learning process that would make us better persons. Stop looking back for love that may make its way back. It wouldn’t be coming from behind. It would always be there in front of you. If you miss it, then move ahead for even in love’s greatest tragedies, there is always a promise of hope—that of finding love again and keeping it for eternity.

Friday, January 12, 2007

Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex.

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head.

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist."

Wednesday, January 10, 2007

10 Reasons why a boy can be cute

1. How he secretly finds a way to touch a girl's hair, but the girl always knows what they are doing.
2. How he tries to act like Mr.Tough guy to get the girls attention but it never works.
3. How he kisses so sweetly.
4. How he holds your hand when you're scared.
5. How his arms fit around your waist so easily.
6. How he keeps you warm when you're cold.
7. How his sense of humor makes you laugh.
8. How he tries to hug and kiss you when you are sad or not feeling good.
9. How he wears the cologne that you bought him and blabs out to the whole world you bought it for him.
10. How he holds you back when you want to hurt someone.

Tuesday, January 09, 2007

Love Notes 3: The wrong kind of love?

Dar Joe,

I am Gian, 24, and currently working in a five-star hotel in Manila. I decided to write to you because I’m confused. Nobody knows what I’m going through. You see, I had a number of girlfriends before and, though I enjoyed being with them, I really never felt deeply in love with anyone of them.

I never felt the real intensity of love until I met Lewis. Yes Joe, you read it right. It’s Lewis, and he’s a guy. I don’t know where to begin but I guess everything started when he became a co-worker, though a contractual one. When he was first introduced to me, I immediately noticed his good looks and perfect smile. But modesty aside, I am also gifted with good physical looks.

But cliched as it may sound, I believe that it was destiny that brought us together. We went out in a group but we set a day where we could bond together, just the two of us. We would go malling, eat and even watch movies together, which is very odd for two guys to do. More than his outward appearance,



I was impressed by his kindness and understanding.

One time, we had a misunderstanding. I texted him and blamed him for our shallow fight. His reply almost made me fall off my seat. He said, I’m sorry for everything! I love you!" I texted him by saying, “I love you, too.” However, we never discussed the issue the following day. He would usually ask me to sleep over at his apartment. We share the same bed but nothing sexual happened between the two of us. That’s the time when I realized that I was slowly falling in love with Lewis. My love for him is beyond platonic and it has gone deeper and deeper without me realizing that the end of his contract was getting near.

When his contract expired and he left, I lost my focus. But then again, I did not want other people to know that I was dying of loneliness. He would text and call me once in a while. I really wanted to admit my real feelings but the fear of rejection prevented me from doing so. Just last month, he invited me to come to his birthday. I decided to go with common friends. .

After an hour, I decided to leave. As I walked toward my car, he hurriedly went to me and gave me a hug. I asked Lewis if he was drunk while slowly pushing him away. He said he wasn’t and then he embraced me for the second time. While driving home, I couldn’t help but cry. I hated myself for allowing this to happen.

As of now, I’m trying to forget my love for him which was wrong to begin with. I want to restart my life with a clean slate. I never thought I would be in this kind of situation. How could I forget him, Joe? Please help me.

Gian

Gian,

Life indeed is full of surprises. We just don’t know what will come knocking at our doors next. Gian, you are not alone in this quest for identity. I have heard from many like you who are going through the same dilemma. It is difficult to come to a realization that there exists within us another person unexpectedly and totally different from us. It is like a mysterious flame glowing through cold ash.

I have always said that it is not in loving a person that we commit sin but it is what we do when we love beyond the limits of reason that makes it wrong. Gian, your moral sensors made you aware of the implication of such a relationship. The hardship you are going through reflects your internal conflict but your ability to rationalize means that you are still capable of changing the course of your life.

If you really want to forget him then you have to stop thinking about him. He may not be in your face but you have allowed him to remain at the back of your mind. And the mind is very powerful. The people who we do not remember are the people who mean little to us and the people we love are those we do not forget. If we stop loving a person then we can start forgetting. But for as long as our hearts are connected then all efforts to rule over our emotion will mean nothing.

Gian, we become who we think and believe we are. Be yourself and remember that we can only be truly happy when we are at peace with our inner selves and when we are in harmony with the people we love and the people who love us.

Monday, January 08, 2007

To Great Women

One Flaw In Women
By the time the Lord made woman,
He was into his sixth day of working overtime..
An angel appeared and said,
"Why are you spending so much time on this one?"
And the Lord answered, "Have you seen my spec sheet on her?
She has to be completely washable, but not plastic,
have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable
and able to run on diet coke and leftovers,
have a lap that can hold four children at one time,
have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken
heart
-and she will do everything
with only two hands."
The angel was astounded at the requirements.
"Only two hands!? No way!
And that's just on the standard model?
That's too much work for one day.
Wait until tomorrow to finish."
But I won't," the Lord protested.
"I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own
heart.
She already heals herself when she is sick
AND can work 18 hour days."
The angel moved closer and touched the woman.
"But you have made her so soft, Lord."
"She is soft," the Lord agreed,
"but I have also made her tough.
You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish."
"Will she be able to think?", asked the angel.
The Lord replied,
"Not only will she be able to think,
she will be able to reason and negotiate."
The angel then noticed something,
and reaching out, touched the woman's cheek.
"Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model.
I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one."
"That's not a leak,"
the Lord corrected,
"that's a tear!"
"What's the tear for?" the angel asked.
The Lord said, "The tear is her way of expressing her joy,
her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love,
her loneliness, her grief and her pride."
The angel was impressed.
"You are a genius, Lord.
You thought of everything!
Woman is truly amazing."
And she is!
Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness,
love and joy.
They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.
They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.
They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.
They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.
Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.
They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you.
The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning.
They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideals.
They give moral support to their family and friends.
Women have vital things to say and everything to give.
HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH

Sunday, January 07, 2007

Love Notes 2: Giving someone up to make things right

Dear Joe,

Jeff has been my boyfriend for two years now. He’s thoughtful, understanding and sweet. But what reeled me in was his wit and intelligence. We were almost a picture-perfect couple.

Much to my surprise, our relationship became an on-again, off-again affair when I started working for this prestigious firm in Quezon City. I admit that since I started working, I was spending less and less time with him. He kept telling me I had to choose between him and my job. Whenever I spent time with my friends, he would always tell me that I loved my friends more than him, something I always denied.

I wondered if he was just being demanding or selfish. I just wanted some understanding on his part.

I attempted to dump him thrice, but he always came back. I took him back because I believed that he would change. But months later, things were still the same. He got even worse. And yet despite all that, I still wanted to be with him.

To top it off, an old friend of mine, Rey, resurfaced in my life. We were classmates in high school, and I had an intense crush on him. I found out later that he was in love with me but never showed it, and so we never went beyond friendship. We separated after our graduation, and on my 18th birthday I learned that he already had a girlfriend.

Four years passed since we last saw each other. We became good friends again through text messaging. I was with him when he and his girlfriend broke up. We agreed to see each other, and he cameto Manila to be with me.

Jeff had no knowledge of this. I knew it was wrong, but I was so excited to see Rey. I hate to admit it, but I still love him.

I forgot I had a boyfriend. Rey knows about Jeff. Still, we were trying to make things right, and I hated to see him leave. Before we said goodbye, he told me he loved me and kissed my hand. I was so happy and scared that I started crying. I knew that everything was not right, but I’m torn between two people I love. I can’t let go of either Jeff or Rey.

Rhine

Dear Rhine,

I know how difficult it is to find ourselves in a situation where we seem to be caught between two people we believe we both love. Can it really happen? Well, I guess the answer is yes. This is why many relationships fail. Sometimes it is not falling out of love, but falling in love with someone else that makes it difficult.

Rhine, this could have been easier if there was nothing wrong in being in two relationships at the same time. But the fact of the matter is, even if we are in love with two people, we have to be committed to just one. And commitment means giving up the other for the sake of the one we choose.

The essence of a relationship lies in the fact that we choose to be with someone we love and that we will love only the one we choose. I would believe you when you say that you are in love with two people, but I would also want you to believe that you cannot love them both with the same intensity and passion. If you listen carefully to your heart, you will realize that there is just one who deserves your love and commitment. And that person is the one you should be with.

I know it is easier said than done, but you just can’t say you love someone if you cannot let go of the other. The hardest part of loving is when we have to make a choice that would hurt those who love us. But sometimes that choice has to be made because that is the only sensible thing to do. You cannot love Rey and Jeff at the same time. You have to make your choice and live by it.

Let us always remember that we can love as many people as we want to but we have to commit ourselves to just one. Just one, to whom we will faithfully dedicate our whole life and with whom we will build our dreams. Just one, whom we will love like we have loved no other.

Saturday, January 06, 2007

how do you know you are in love?

When you are together with that special someone, you pretend to ignore that person. But when that special someone is not around, you might look around to find them. At that moment, you are in love.

Although there is someone else who always makes you laugh, your eyes and attention might go only to that special someone. Then, you are in love.

Although that special someone was supposed to have called you long back, to let you know of their safe arrival, your phone is quiet. You are desperately waiting for the call! At that moment,
you are in love.

If you are much more excited for one short e-mail from that special someone than other many long e-mails, you are in love.

When you find yourself as one who cannot erase all the messages in your answering machine because of one message from that special someone, you are in love.

When you get a couple of free movie tickets, you would not hesitate to think of that special someone. Then, you are in love.

You keep telling yourself, "that special someone is just a friend", but you realize that you can not avoid that person's special attraction. At that moment, you are in love.

While you are reading this page, if someone appears in your mind, then you are in love with that
person.

Friday, January 05, 2007

The Laws of Love

Reach for my hand
Hold on to my heart
Look into my eyes
And say we'll never part

Trust all words
That I may speak
Secure special feelings
That you may seek

Know I'm honest
Know I'm true
Follow these guidelines
And I'll only love you...

Thursday, January 04, 2007

Three (3) Most Difficult Situations/Love Problems

...that Joe d' Mango had to give advice to in his career.


1. Setting The Person You Love Free
Joe says that it is very easy to say to someone who needs advise but it's definitely very hard to do. We must accept whatever decision our partner makes to pursue his/her happiness. Just let him be and let him free. If that person really loves you, he will come back to you.

2. Love Fading Away
Joe says that there isn't a LOVE that fades away or lost. He says that the reason why love fades or lost is because we give up on LOVE. We stop loving because we gave up on it. Loving is a commitment you must not give up on it. Cling to that thing that makes you love your partner. We should find ways to keep loving that person. (and probably make the other person keep falling for you also, like the song of alicia keys.... I keep on falling)

3. Third Party Relationship
Joe's comment was more on the side with the third party. He says that third party relationships are mainly due to pursuing a better person. We think that the third party is better than the current partner. We always look for a better one. Joe says, "but if you are always looking for someone better, IT WILL BE AN ENDLESS SEARCH 'coz there's always someone better after a while..." I think he's right. I just hope that I'll find the person who'll make my eyes blind so that i'll never look at others.

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Love Notes 1 : A dilemma of selflessness

Dear Joe,

I’ve always prided myself in being a level-headed person. I recently passed the bar exams and landed a job with a prestigious firm in Makati. My last relationship ended two years ago and left me afraid of relationships. I went out on a few dates, but kept everything light and casual—until I met Carl.

Carl and I met at a badminton game after a friend of mine dragged me along. Carl was one of the better players, and I was completely in awe of his skill. I didn’t read any meaning in the extra attention he showered on me that day. I figured, it was his personality to be just that, which really struck me as being “bolero.”

An office badminton tournament came up, and I asked him to train me and my officemates. One phone call led to another. He told me he was married, but was living separately from his wife. He sought legal advice in getting an annulment. I, on the other hand, advised him to exhaust all efforts to save the relationship for the sake of their children.




He said they have tried several times, but they always ended up fighting and decided it was best to live separately and in peace.

The phone calls became more frequent, and then one Friday night, after a late badminton game, I asked him to drive me home because I had injured my wrist. He first offered to let me spend the night in their house, but I politely refused. He drove me home, and I bought him dinner as a token of my thanks. Over a very late dinner, we talked and we laughed. I didn’t know if it was the two bottles of beer that we drank that night, or just plain and simple attraction between two lost souls, but we found ourselves kissing each other. We spent the night together, just talking about life and holding each other close. I knew he was still married, but it didn’t matter. I knew that whatever it was between us wasn’t bound to last anyway, and so I shut my ears to my conscience.

One Sunday afternoon, he invited me to his house for merienda. There, I met Carl’s mom, his brothers and his youngest son. His family politely welcomed me into their home, and there I saw a different side to his personality. He was a wonderful son, a caring brother and a loving dad to his son. Before I left, Carl took my hand and said that he was falling for me and asked me to be his girlfriend. The next day, I told him how I felt and agreed to be his girlfriend. Yet, I knew for a fact that, for all intents and purposes, he was still a married man, even if they were living separately.

On that same day that I agreed to be his girlfriend, fate dealt me a cruel hand.

Carl and I were supposed to have dinner that night, but he called me to say that he couldn’t meet me because an aunt had had a stroke and had to be rushed to the hospital. After that day, he was always at the hospital, since there was no one to take care of his tita. I believed him, and told him that I’d be praying for his tita’s recovery. It was almost a week later that I found out the truth.

I had called his house one evening, and his Mom, thinking that Carl had already told me the truth, informed me that Carl was still in the hospital, taking care of his wife. His wife, Joe, not his tita, was in the hospital. I felt so betrayed at that time, Joe. Yet I found myself making up excuses for him. I forgave him, Joe, without him even saying he was sorry for lying to me. I felt that he was going through a lot, and the last thing he needed was me being angry at him for not telling me the truth.

He called me and explained to me that he wanted to tell me everything in person. I told him I hold no anger for him. Yes, I was hurt, but I understood and was ready to forgive him.

And then he told me everything.

He admitted that while he and his wife lived separately, there were times they still slept together. He had gotten her pregnant, and she had an abortion without his knowledge. The abortion went wrong and had resulted in a serious infection. She had been comatose since she was rushed to the hospital. I was crushed, Joe. He had lied to me again. But I couldn’t put my selfish emotions first when I knew he was going through a lot. I told him I understood, and that I would be praying for him and his wife’s recovery. After all, she still is the mother of his children, and they needed her.

He pleaded with me not to leave him. He felt that he was all alone, and that he drew strength from the knowledge that I was there for him, loving him. He said that once his wife’s condition improved, he would focus on our relationship. I told him that he need not think of me, and that I was just there for him.

A few days later (Maundy Thursday), he asked to see me, saying he needed to get away from the hospital where his wife was confined for a while. Those days were the most agonizing days of my life, Joe.

I saw him, and my heart just broke. I tried to be strong and told him that he needed to get his affairs in order before we could be together. But once I spoke those words, I knew I couldn’t leave him, not at that time, not when he needed me.

When I said those words, he looked at me and pleaded with me to stay. I couldn’t think of myself at that time, Joe, not when he was in so much pain. I couldn’t bear to leave him all alone. My heart ached as he asked me not to leave him, that he loved me and that he had beautiful plans for the two of us. And so I promised that I would stay with him until this storm is over. I prayed really hard for guidance.

But his wife never regained consciousness. Two days ago, she passed away.

Some would say that fate destined us to be together, since he is now free to marry again. It’s a very selfish thought, a thought that has more than once entered my mind, but which I quickly brushed it off. I was able to talk to him and asked how he was holding up. He said he was sad and exhausted. I told him to be strong for the kids. He asked me how much I loved him and if I was ready to take on the role of being a wife to him and a mother to his kids.

And this is my dilemma: After all the lies and betrayals, will I have the heart to love him the way he wants me to? Does he even deserve that love? Am I willing and ready to take on the responsibilities that came with loving him?

For love, I will not care about what others think. If loving Carl means loving and being a mother to his children, then I would gladly take on the role.

But does he deserve it? I know that one day I will have to make a decision. But for now everything is still unstable, unsure. I wish someone would tell me what to do. But I know it’s up to me to decide.

Yours,

Daphne

Daphne,

I have always believed that there is a reason for everything, good or bad, happy or sad, that comes into our lives. God allows all of these things to happen because he loves us even if we sometimes do not understand his ways.

Being a lawyer, Daphne, would probably make deciding difficult because, as you said, you would want to be fair to yourself, too. What you are doing is quantifying the love that you are offering and expecting to get a decent part of it back. But love should not just be about receiving something in return. It should be about loving and just loving because it makes us happy.

If you love Carl, then that should give you more than enough reason to stay. Running away from this would just mean that you haven’t loved enough to stand up to what other people might say, and you didn’t love enough to face the consequence of raising another man’s family.

When the time comes that you will have to make a choice, remember that the real purpose of love is not getting what we want but unselfishly giving what we have. We do not put a price on the love that we give because we should give it unselfishly without any compensation. We do not love someone because of what he or she is, but because of what we are when we are with that person.

When we begin to find a reason as to why we love or do not love a person, then our love becomes bounded by a measure of what we can get or what we cannot get from that person. That love becomes just a fulfillment of, and not a commitment to, a relationship.

Daphne, you need not worry about making a decision now; you don’t have to. We all come to crossroads in our lives, a time when we become confused about what to do, specially if it involves our emotions. You are correct; it is your faith in God that will guide you in making the right decision. Never cease in praying for His guidance, for only He knows what is best for us.

Let us always remember that love is not just about us being happy in it, but about us making others happy when we give it unselfishly and unconditionally.